Comcast. Ruining the Internet

by Winlar

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A little song about Net Neutrality and its number one opponent.


Iff’n yer hearing my voice singin’ now, and iff’n you’re hearing it free
Well you can thank the gubment and a program called “Net Neutrality”
It’s a policy been set up, just as simple as you get
That gives everyone, includin’ me equal access to the Internet
And America loves equality, equality kicks ass
Just ask anybody, anybody except a little company called Comcast
They don’t like net neutrality, they don’t like it one bit
Hence at Comcast they’re hell-bent on ruinin’ democracy and the Internet

You may have heard of Comcast. It’s this little monopoly
That isn’t satisfied with simply charging too much for TV
They’re in the Internet biz too, and for as long’s they been doin’ it
They been buyin’ off politicians and conspirin’ to ruin it.
They want to charge more so some folks are slower, some are faster
Basically putting the WWW in the hands of evil corporate bastards
Until they’ve maximized every possible profit, you know they just won’t quit
At Comcast they’re hell-bent on ruinin’ democracy and the Internet

Ted Cruz got huge campaign funds from Comcast and just came off the fence
Against net neutrality, what a coincidence!
It’s a symbiotic relationship Comcast throws Ted a bone
And Ted then doesn’t have to form any opinions of his own
You’d think that Ted’s constituency would see how this kinda stuff wrecks us
But Comcast stations don’t report it, and… well… Texas
Comcast has in their pocket many other such half-wits
Comcast hell-bent on ruinin’ both democracy and the Internet

You know who’s got the Fastest Internet speeds in this whole country?
Why that honor goes to Chattanooga Tennessee!
Whose city council ditched Comcast and chose a socialist way to go
And built their own infrastructure, giving you know who the old heave ho!
And how’s it workin’ out for Chattanoogans it’s working out just great
Thus Comcast lobbied to make what they did illegal in 20 other states
Yep, Comcast bought 20 state legislatures, and got them to submit
Comcast hell bent on ruinin’ democracy and the Internet

So what’s the answer? How do we get rid of this decay (That gives us
slower Internet speeds than 30 other countries including Uruguay.
(Yes, Uruguay. That Uruguay)
How do we get Comcast off the Internet and out of the halls of power?
How do we get to where we pay our cable bill and don’t need a silkwood shower?
It’s simple tell your ‘lected officials time after time after time
You ain’t gonna vote for anyone anywhere who takes one stinkin’ dime
From America’s greediest, free speech chokinest chicken poop outfit
Don’t let Comcast ruin democracy and ruin the Internet


released November 12, 2014
Written and performed rather hastily by Winlar



all rights reserved


Winlar Seattle, Washington

Winlar is a Seattle-based Comedian, and generally terrible ukulele player. He's a former writer for TV's Almost Live, and NPR's Rewind with Bill Radke, as well as being the driving force behind the universally love sketch comedy group Kazoo! His stuff is irreverent and funny and he really needs you to buy a lot of it. Thanks. ... more

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